Axolotl Translations

It was a workday morning, a time when Wang Hao would never show up at the hospital.

Xu Jun sat in the chair beside the bed, his head lowered, silent.

Shangguan Yu, meanwhile, had just asked the nurse to raise his bed halfway. He was half sitting, half lying down, sipping water from his cup.

After a long silence, Xu Jun was the first to speak.

“Have you been officially diagnosed about your leg condition?”

“Yes,” Shangguan Yu replied indifferently, as though discussing someone else’s problem.

“Then, what about your future…”

“I won’t be able to stand anymore. I’ll have to use a wheelchair.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Xu Jun stammered, a little embarrassed. “I meant, your work…”

“You think someone in my condition can still find a job?”

Xu Jun was taken aback, his words caught in his throat. “…Xiao Yu, you’ve changed so much. You never used to… be this…”

So direct.

“Really?” Shangguan Yu chuckled lightly. “Maybe.”

Once again, silence filled the room.

Shangguan Yu turned his head and glanced at Xu Jun, noticing that his hands were tightly clasped together, fingers nervously twisting. Xu Jun seemed to want to say something but didn’t know how to start.

Shangguan Yu felt like he could guess what Xu Jun wanted to say, but out of politeness, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. So, he decided to give him an out.

“Just say whatever’s on your mind.”

In fact, Shangguan Yu already had an inkling of what Xu Jun was about to say.

“I…” Xu Jun paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and continued, “Xiao Yu, I’m three years older than you, and I’m turning 30 this year.”

“You know, turning 30 is a big deal. Once you’re over 30 and still unmarried, people start pressuring you.”

“My mom has been telling me a lot lately. Her friend’s daughter came back from studying abroad, and she’s a great match for me in every way. She’s been asking me to meet her…”

At this point, everything became clear.

Even though Shangguan Yu had already noticed the signs of Xu Jun distancing himself after the incident and had mentally prepared himself, hearing Xu Jun say these words still made his heart ache deeply.

He had thought his heart wouldn’t hurt anymore.

Seeing Shangguan Yu’s quiet, distant expression, Xu Jun adjusted his glasses and, with difficulty, continued, “Xiao Yu, our situations are different. I have to be responsible not just for myself, but also for my family, for my parents. I can’t be as carefree as you, only thinking about myself. I also have to consider their feelings, so I’ve decided to give this a try.”

“Xiao Yu, please don’t hate me.”

Saying that, Xu Jun leaned forward and reached out his hand to hold Shangguan Yu’s, but Shangguan Yu pulled his hand away.

“Leave,” Shangguan Yu said softly, his tone seemingly void of emotion.

But only he knew how hollow he felt inside—his heart was shattered, leaving only emptiness, irreparably broken.

“Xiao Yu, please don’t do this. You can yell at me, you can hit me. Let out your anger. I… I don’t want to see you like this. It makes me feel terrible.”

Shangguan Yu slowly turned his head to look at Xu Jun, whose face was filled with concern. To his surprise, he smiled faintly.

“Let’s break up, Xu Jun. Don’t come to see me again.”

***

The “movie” of memories slowly faded as Shangguan Yu stared blankly at the ceiling, his eyes empty. The soft mattress beneath him seemed to turn into a muddy swamp, swallowing him bit by bit as he lay there alone.

Shangguan Yu closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink deeper, feeling as though the whole world, everyone, had abandoned him, until…

Knock, knock, knock.

A knock echoed through the room.

“Xiao Yu,” Zuo Zhou’s voice, filled with concern, came from outside the door, “Are you alright? Can I come in?”

The sinking stopped, the swamp ceased its relentless pull. Shangguan Yu opened his eyes and looked at the familiar surroundings, feeling as if he had returned to the world of the living.

“Xiao Yu?” After waiting for a while without a response, Zuo Zhou called again.

“I’m fine,” Shangguan Yu answered hoarsely, his voice barely a whisper.

“Then can I come in?”

Although it was a question, Zuo Zhou had already pushed the door open before the words even finished.

Shangguan Yu, who had meant to refuse but didn’t have the chance: …

Zuo Zhou hurried to the bedside, his eyes nervously checking Shangguan Yu up and down. After confirming there were no visible wounds, he sighed quietly in relief. “Xiao Yu, Brother Hao left. He asked me to come and apologize to you.”

Shangguan Yu merely grunted in response, clearly not wanting to discuss this topic further.

“I’m tired. I want to sleep.”

It was clear Shangguan Yu wanted Zuo Zhou to leave, and though Zuo Zhou understood this, he pretended not to and stayed put.

“I made some lamb soup. It’s chilly tonight, and the humidity’s high. Xiao Yu, you should drink a bowl before going to sleep.”

“……”

“Shall I bring it to you?”

“Okay.”

Zuo Zhou smiled, then quickly disappeared to fetch the soup.

Shangguan Yu lay in bed, watching Zuo Zhou’s tall, youthful figure leave. His heart softened, and the sharp pain of his memories eased a little.

He propped himself up and moved to the edge of the bed, waiting for Zuo Zhou to bring the soup.

Soon enough, Zuo Zhou returned with a steaming bowl of lamb soup, the surface sprinkled with fresh, vibrant green onions, making it look quite appetizing.

“Xiao Yu, here,” Zuo Zhou presented the bowl with a smile, standing by the bedside. “It smells amazing, you should try it!”

“Put it on the table.” Shangguan Yu raised his hand, gently tapping the bedside table, signaling for him to set the bowl down.

“This table is too low. It’ll be uncomfortable for you to drink the soup hunched over.”

“Oh, right. Then let’s have it tomorrow,” Shangguan Yu said. “I’m a bit tired and don’t feel like going to the living room.”

“You don’t have to go to the living room,” Zuo Zhou replied, stepping forward with the bowl. He then plopped down next to Shangguan Yu on the bed, close enough to be almost touching. “I’ll sit here and hold the bowl for you while you drink.”

“……” Shangguan Yu was stunned, momentarily at a loss for words.

Zuo Zhou, noticing the shock on Shangguan Yu’s face, quickly added with a kind smile, “My pants are clean, Xiao Yu. After Brother Hao left, I changed into fresh home pants.”

Was this really about the cleanliness of his pants? The problem was that you were sitting on my bed, so close to me!

Shangguan Yu silently screamed in his mind, but his gaze involuntarily shifted to Zuo Zhou’s pants after his comment.

They were light gray sweatpants, soft and a little worn, but as Zuo Zhou said, they were indeed clean.

The pants clung to Zuo Zhou’s legs, clearly outlining his well-defined muscles and, higher up, a sizable bulge.

……

For a brief moment, Shangguan Yu’s expression went blank.

“Xiao Yu? Xiao Yu?” Zuo Zhou tilted his head, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“……It’s nothing.” Shangguan Yu said awkwardly, casting a quick glance at Zuo Zhou before looking away.

Zuo Zhou blinked, not suspecting anything, and scooted a little closer to Shangguan Yu. His strong thigh almost brushed against Shangguan Yu’s overly thin legs.

“Drink it while it’s hot, or it’ll cool down soon.”

“……Alright.”

Shangguan Yu discreetly moved a little to the side, then began drinking from the bowl that Zuo Zhou was holding.

The warm, savory lamb soup slid down his throat, bringing a touch of warmth to Shangguan Yu’s cold, fragile body and soothing his shattered, frozen heart.

On this chilly night, with someone so considerate like Zuo Zhou and a steaming bowl of soup, Shangguan Yu realized that he could actually accept someone’s bold proximity.

It turned out that he wasn’t as solitary and independent as he had imagined. If possible, he also longed for someone to care for him, to accompany him.

He was, after all, just an ordinary person.

As these thoughts passed through his mind, Shangguan Yu found himself unknowingly finishing the entire bowl of soup, his body warming up and his stomach feeling quite content.

Zuo Zhou seemed to pull a tissue from nowhere, smiling as he reached out, seemingly ready to help Shangguan Yu wipe his mouth. But Shangguan Yu turned his head, avoiding him.

Zuo Zhou, unfazed, smiled and handed the tissue to Shangguan Yu instead.

“Brother Yu, wipe your mouth. Do you want me to accompany you to the bathroom? Or should I bring over a urinal for you? Is it more convenient for you here?”

“……No need.” Shangguan Yu refused quickly this time. “I can go myself. You can leave now.”

Zuo Zhou, observing Shangguan Yu’s expression, bargained: “At least let me push you there?”

“……Alright.”

Zuo Zhou smiled and gave an OK sign, then placed the bowl on the nightstand. He stood up, wrapped his arm around Shangguan Yu’s shoulders, and effortlessly lifted him from the bed and placed him in the wheelchair.

Before Shangguan Yu could react, he was already sitting in the wheelchair…

“Brother Yu, you’re so thin and light. You really should eat more,” Zuo Zhou said while pushing the wheelchair toward the bathroom.

Shangguan Yu, who was gradually getting used to Zuo Zhou’s presence and closeness: “Mm.”

Luocheng, located in the north-central part of the country, experiences a gradual temperature drop after November each year, eventually leading to the onset of winter.

But this year, the temperature in Luocheng dropped more abruptly, falling below ten degrees in mid-October.

Shangguan Yu stayed home every day, so he wasn’t particularly sensitive to the outside temperature. It was only when he occasionally went out to the balcony to bask in the sun that a cold breeze from outside would brush against him. He’d then feel a little chilly, and upon seeing people in the neighborhood already wearing thick, warm clothes, he’d realize that it had gotten cold without him even noticing.

One evening, Zuo Zhou had to participate in some kind of research project at school, and didn’t return home until after 10 p.m.

At this hour, Shangguan Yu would normally be lying in bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone, getting ready to sleep. But remembering that Zuo Zhou said he’d be home soon, he decided to wait in the living room for a while.

So when Zuo Zhou came back, he found Shangguan Yu sitting in his wheelchair, aimlessly watching TV while occasionally glancing at his phone.

“I’m back!” Zuo Zhou cheerfully called out, feeling a warmth in his heart as he smiled and greeted him. “Brother Yu, guess what I brought you?”

“What?”

“Hehe.”

Zuo Zhou wore a mysterious expression, quickly kicked off his shoes at the entrance, and, without bothering with slippers, dashed to Shangguan Yu’s side. He unzipped his jacket and, with a proud look, pulled out a large baked sweet potato from inside, as if offering a prized treasure.

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