Fang Li no longer possessed the strength even to cry. He felt utterly torn apart, shattered—his heart, his lungs, his entire being assaulted by pain as Qin Weidong, having already crossed every imaginable boundary, ripped him to shreds.
He grabbed the blanket and yanked it over his tear-streaked face, muffling his sobs. “Get out…!”
Qin Weidong’s shirt hung in tatters, half-torn off, the buttons ripped away during Fang Li’s frantic struggle. Angry red scratches marred his chest and cheeks. Fang Li’s throat was so raw from crying he could barely make a sound.
Meanwhile, the bloodlust in Qin Weidong’s eyes slowly receded, and with it, a sliver of rationality returned. “Lili…” he called out softly.
Hearing that familiar nickname, Fang Li opened his swollen, tear-filled eyes, burning with rage and humiliation. Finding nothing else within reach, he grabbed the heavy glass ashtray on the nightstand and hurled it at Qin Weidong! “Get out—get the hell out!! I never want to see your face again!!”
The ashtray struck Qin Weidong hard with a dull thud. But Fang Li wasn’t finished. He yanked the bedside lamp free, pulling the cord and knocking over a deck of cards scattered on the floor, and hurled the lamp too, smashing it against Qin Weidong’s body.
Qin Weidong didn’t dodge a single blow. He knew what he had done. But… he didn’t regret it.
Fang Li wanted to smash him into pieces. He tried to get up to find more things to throw, to beat Qin Weidong to death if he could—but he realized he couldn’t even sit up. He was so furious he felt like he might explode from head to toe.
Seeing Fang Li’s flushed cheeks and the way his chest heaved with each ragged breath, Qin Weidong cursed himself under his breath. He had forgotten—Fang Li still had a hole in his heart.
Panic flashing in his eyes, Qin Weidong hurried to pick up the ashtray from the floor. He pressed it gently into Fang Li’s hand and said hoarsely, with aching tenderness, “Lili, go ahead. If you’re still mad, smash it. Hit me however many times you want…”
Hearing those words only fueled Fang Li’s fury. He gripped the ashtray tight and smashed it against Qin Weidong’s body without hesitation. The hard edge of the glass slammed into bone with a heavy thud. Qin Weidong grit his teeth and endured it.
He bent down, picked up the ashtray again, and handed it back to Fang Li. Seeing him standing there, not defending himself, not even trying to explain, Fang Li’s anger flared even hotter. He grabbed it and smashed it again. And again. Fierce and unrelenting, he struck two, three more times before Qin Weidong’s face finally twisted in pain.
Fang Li was furious—and full of hatred. What he hated even more was himself: even after Qin Weidong treated him like this, he still couldn’t stop himself from feeling pain for him.
“Qin Weidong! Are you fucking stupid? You don’t know how to dodge?!”
Watching Fang Li curse him while tears streamed down his face, Qin Weidong felt as if a steel spike was hammering into his heart, over and over again, shattering it into pieces. He bent down and kissed the tears from Fang Li’s cheeks.
“I didn’t give you the chance to dodge me… How could I ever dodge you?”
Fang Li’s tears flowed even harder. Qin Weidong shoved the ashtray back into his hand.
“Your heart’s not good yet. You haven’t even had your surgery. Don’t work yourself up. Just get mad at me—however you want. If it helps you feel better, you can smash me as much as you like. I won’t dodge.”
Fang Li gripped the ashtray. Earlier, in the depths of his rage, he hadn’t even realized how heavy it was when he threw it. He stared into Qin Weidong’s eyes, full of pain for him, bloodshot and weary. These were the same eyes that, just moments ago, had been wild and savage, wanting to tear him apart and devour him whole.
An overwhelming anger and grievance swelled inside Fang Li—but he couldn’t do anything about it. He and Qin Weidong—their hearts were already tied together. Their fates, entwined. Even without tonight’s events, they never could have separated.
“Qin Weidong…! You’re a goddamn wolf in sheep’s clothing!”
Fang Li hated himself for feeling any pity toward such a heartless bastard. But he couldn’t stop. He shouted the words, covering his eyes with his wrist so Qin Weidong couldn’t see his tears.
“Qin Weidong! If I’d known when we were kids that you’d turn out like this—heartless, cruel—I should’ve just left you to rot on that mountain!”
“You’re a fucking bastard through and through!”
“I could’ve picked up a stray dog, and it would’ve been more loyal to me than you are!”
Qin Weidong let him curse without saying a word. When Fang Li grew too breathless from shouting, Qin Weidong leaned down, gently kissing his flushed cheeks, helping him catch his breath—only to let him continue cursing as soon as he could speak again. Fang Li cursed until his mouth was dry, until his face was covered in the prints of Qin Weidong’s kisses.
All the while, Qin Weidong didn’t say a single word in his own defense. At that moment, Fang Li felt it deeply—he had lost. Completely, utterly, devastatingly lost.
Qin Weidong poured some warm water and helped Fang Li drink by transferring it mouth-to-mouth. Fang Li was exhausted from all the cursing, completely worn out. Qin Weidong kissed his forehead.
“Sleep here for a bit… You’re hurt… I’ll go out and buy some medicine.”
Fang Li spat out a curse, “Go ahead! As soon as you leave, I’m packing up and getting the hell out of here!” He said it out of spite, then pulled the blanket over his head to drive Qin Weidong away.
After such a grueling, body-draining struggle, exhaustion clung to him like worms crawling all over his skin. Fang Li couldn’t hold on any longer and closed his burning, aching eyelids.
But after a while, he still didn’t hear the sound of the door closing. When he glanced back, he saw Qin Weidong squatting by his bedside, staring at him, eyes bloodshot and wet.
“If I leave… will you really go?” Qin Weidong’s voice was hoarse, thick with emotion. His face and neck were covered with Fang Li’s scratch marks, stretching all the way down his chest in angry red streaks.
Fang Li glanced at him—then shut his eyes again.
Damn it, damn it…!
He suddenly opened his eyes and roared, “Don’t you understand human language?! Go?! How the hell am I supposed to go anywhere looking like this?!”
After venting his rage with that shout, Fang Li finally felt a little better. But Qin Weidong still didn’t feel at ease. He regretted his recklessness. Even if this was something he had long yearned for, he should have waited, should have held on a little longer—until Fang Li truly couldn’t leave him anymore.
Qin Weidong picked up a jacket from the floor, wrapped it around Fang Li, and tried to lift him. Fang Li winced the moment he moved, let alone being carried.
“What the hell are you doing?!”
“We’re going together.”
“…” Fang Li was utterly speechless. There was nothing he could do with Qin Weidong. He gripped Qin Weidong’s arms, trying to pry them off him, shouting, “Let go of me! You can’t see how much pain I’m in?! I already told you—I can’t go anywhere! What are you still worried about?!”
He struggled too hard, and Qin Weidong, terrified of hurting him more, had no choice but to set him down again. Qin Weidong said quietly, “I’m worried about everything…”
Fang Li panted heavily and glared at him. “If you’re worried, then get lost! You’re just a goddamn hypocrite, saying one thing and doing another! Get the hell out! If I still see your face after one more minute, I swear I’ll jump off the building!”
Qin Weidong had no other choice. Still, worry gnawed at him. He went downstairs, pulled out his wallet, and discreetly slipped fifty yuan to the front desk clerk, asking her to go to the nearest pharmacy and buy some topical medicine for wound healing. Then he hurried back upstairs.
Luckily, Fang Li was still there on the bed. In those brief five minutes, Qin Weidong had felt as though he were being tortured on a gallows, each second dragging unbearably long. Thankfully, Fang Li was still here—he was his anchor.
Qin Weidong picked him up from the bed and carefully gave him a quick shower. Afterward, he carried Fang Li back to bed, holding him close. He tenderly kissed Fang Li’s forehead, cheeks, and the curve of his neck, making Fang Li squirm from the ticklish sensation. Although they had long been accustomed to this kind of intimacy, now, the bond between them had deepened, like two vines intertwined so tightly they had merged into one—impossible to separate.
Fang Li lay in Qin Weidong’s arms. After the anger had passed, he thought of how fierce Qin Weidong had been, how scared he had been… Feeling aggrieved, he muttered, “You’re such a bastard!”
“Yeah…” Qin Weidong kissed him again, lowered his head, and whispered, “I didn’t want to be so rough with you either, Lili… But seeing you dressed up like that, singing in a place like that—it felt like someone shot me right through the heart.” Every word he spoke was sincere. Qin Weidong could endure any hardship himself, but he absolutely could not stand seeing Fang Li treated that way.
“I did it willingly…” Fang Li said softly. He didn’t want Qin Weidong to think the band had forced him into anything. “I agreed to it myself. Ding Haoyang is another one of my roommates—that’s how we met. He has a band. Nobody forced me to sing. Nothing bad happened there either. They were really good to me. You scared the hell out of me when you punched Ding Haoyang…”
Qin Weidong frowned. Fang Li had always been well-behaved by his side, a little temperamental sometimes but still obedient at heart. He hated anyone who might corrupt him. But when he saw the bruises on Fang Li’s collarbone, he just muttered, “It’s not entirely unrelated to you… But you couldn’t have come up with that idea all on your own.”
Fang Li pouted. “Are you trying to say I’m too dumb to think of it myself?”
Qin Weidong kissed him and said, “You’re not dumb. You’re not stupid. When we come back from school tomorrow, let’s move to Jinyang, okay?”
“Move to Jinyang?” Fang Li exclaimed in surprise. “Aren’t you working here for Boss Xu? What are we going to do in Jinyang?”
Qin Weidong sat up, reached into the pocket of his jacket tossed aside, and pulled out a business card to show Fang Li. Fang Li took it and looked closely. The card read: Chaojiang Exploration and Development Co., Ltd., specializing in resource exploration and evaluation—though Fang Li couldn’t really make sense of it. What he did notice was that the address was in Gaoyang District, Jinyang City.
“Chaojiang is a newly established company under a state-owned enterprise,” Qin Weidong explained. “I’ll be working there as a deputy manager in the project department.”
“You’re going to be a deputy manager?” Fang Li was stunned. Jinyang was the provincial capital! Since he was little, the provincial capital had always seemed like a distant, unattainable place to him—the biggest, most prosperous city in the entire province. And in his mind, anything connected to the word “state-owned” sounded incredibly impressive, way beyond anything he had ever dared to dream of.
“But how… all of a sudden…?” Wasn’t Qin Weidong working with Xu Jianchuan here? How had one trip to Yicheng turned into him landing a deputy manager position? And now, they were going to move from Changding to the provincial capital? Fang Li’s eyes were wide open, forgetting even to blink.
Qin Weidong couldn’t resist leaning over to kiss him. “Moving to the provincial capital means better medical facilities,” Qin Weidong said softly. “It’ll be easier to get your surgery done.”
Fang Li felt a surge of happiness at the thought of moving to Jinyang. But when he heard Qin Weidong say those words so earnestly, a wave of bittersweet emotion welled up in his heart. From Chongsi, to Suixing, to the unfamiliar Changding, and now soon to Jinyang—ever since the hole in his heart had been discovered, Qin Weidong had never once relaxed. He had been constantly looking for ways to earn more money, to find a bigger city, a better hospital for him. And whatever he said, he always made good on it.
With someone like Qin Weidong, who had given him everything so selflessly—how could he possibly hold any grudges against him?
Axolotl Translations 
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